Deliver me, again

I know the Lord of all Creation was chasing after me when I was young, but His voice was unfamiliar to me. When in failure and in confusion my young heart cried, “I am broken and unworthy of love,” silence echoed a harsh agreement. I had no mother’s voice to soothe, no father’s voice to defend: a spiritual orphan.

But grace makes the unlovely lovely and I knew the voice of Christ on a deep night. His love makes me heir and beautiful. Yet...

Many days I don’t believe it and stomp through life like a troll. The Spirit beckons and I stop my ears. I stretch my heart and soul and mind and strength around projects and tasks, books and learning, intentions and thoughts. Refusing the Life that is promised to me, I settle for distraction and shallow delight, cling to worldly and evil comforts. I chase self-interest and the praises of man. I give snakes when my children ask for bread, choose loneliness. I hold back love and praise and prayer. Over and over the same powerless, faithless, loveless life.

Who will deliver me from this body of death?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

A new power is in operation: the Spirit of life in Christ.
(Romans 7:25, 8:2)

Spirit, You are elusive and mysterious but I long to know You. My Lord said that it was to my advantage that He go away so that You, the Helper, would come. Trembling, I invite You in, though I do not know what I’m asking for...