Release

For as the heavens are high above the earth,

So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
As a father pities his children,
So the LORD pities those who fear Him.

For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
For the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
And its place remembers it no more.
But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting

On those who fear Him,

And His righteousness to children’s children,
To such as keep His covenant,
And to those who remember His commandments to do them.

(Psalm 103:11-18)

This week, I feel my dusty frame. So weak and so inconstant. How could I continue but with deep draughts of His great mercy? Little feet have run far away and brows have been furrowed in long anger and I wonder anew that I was given this high calling of motherhood.

I ask aloud, "How will we ever train these boy hearts to love the Good and put off the old, to live this adventure with gratitude and courage?" And I feel the burden heavy on my shoulders, the days stretching out before me full of forgotten responsibilities and meaningless squabbles, of childish tantrums that cut me deep. And I see that I can't carry this. I can't.

But there is this Love that carries me and knows my frame. Gently, gently He leads me and He speaks promise to me. In Him I live and move and have my being. And if I would change these boy hearts, I would first change my own and draw them gently before the throne of grace, to the One who gives life and breath and all things.

And, God willing, someday those feet that are so quick to run fearlessly down the street will run fearlessly after Jesus and that stubborn heart with stubbornly chase after the Truth. But it won't be because of me. It will be the work of the Spirit in them. The same Spirit that whispers to me, seals me for Hope, and changes me; He will do this work. I can't.

I am released. And I release these boys, too, and we are all flowers in this field and someday the wind will come and our place will not be remembered.

But God's mercy will be, from everlasting to everlasting.

“So now, brethren, I commend you to God and to the word of His grace, which is able to build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified. (Acts 20:32)

Ian Smiles

God bless you and keep you,

God smile on you and gift you,

God look you full in the face and make you prosper.

(Numbers 6:24-25)

First Snow

Yesterday morning was Ian's first real encounter with snow. He wore his first scarf and his first pair of boots and his first snow pants. After becoming somewhat accustomed to the winter bundling waddle, he bravely walked out onto the snowy front porch and surveyed the white landscape. Ian wasn't too keen on actually walking through the snow, but was happy to explore after I had shoveled some paths for him. I'm certain that he learned a few new things...

...about the difficult and necessary work of shoveling,




the near inaccessibility of playground equipment,



and the usefulness of big brothers.

Yesterday, I was reminded that there is no better way to see the world than through the eyes of a young child (and that there are few things that are more cute than a bundled-up toddler who is stuck on his back in the snow).

Inspiring Self Discipline: Cloth Diapers

I love watching Ian run around in nothing but a diaper. It gives me that irrationally proud mommy feeling - like he's the most handsome baby to hit the planet and also an exceptional child for trotting in such a comical fashion. I feel especially fuzzy when he's running around in one of his cloth diapers. They are so soft and blue and cushy. He's adorable and (water consumption argument aside) I feel like a friend of the earth for reducing the number of disposable diapers (not) decomposing in the landfills.

Ian is the only of my children that I've put in cloth diapers. For the most part, I have loved them. I don't enjoy cleaning them, but I have definitely grown in my tolerance of 'messy'. I have always admired my grandmother's ability and willingness to tackle any mess she happened upon, regardless of it's source or size. Cloth diapers have helped me step a little closer to that ideal. It also feels good to have conquered the idol of 'convenience', at least in this small part of my life. I can do a little extra (sometimes yucky) work to align my life with my thoughts and convictions. Very inspiring.

This is Ian in his cloth diaper when he was just one week old.

This is Ian in that same cloth diaper at 16 months.

Beans

Here is our Ian (or Beans, as I call him) chillin' on a pile of rocks. I was attemping to take a serious photograph for framing on our wall, but I think that I will have to resign myself to reality: I am not a photographer and curious toddlers are not cooperative subjects.

Ian's Birthday

Last month, we celebrated Ian's first birthday (a couple of times). He got to enjoy chocolate-peanut butter cheesecake and some chocolate cake at Nana and Papa's. It was fun to watch him make a huge mess! Ian's name means "God is Gracious" and that has been so true. He is an easy baby, full of smiles and curiosity. We are blessed to have him in our family!