Release

For as the heavens are high above the earth,

So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
As a father pities his children,
So the LORD pities those who fear Him.

For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
For the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
And its place remembers it no more.
But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting

On those who fear Him,

And His righteousness to children’s children,
To such as keep His covenant,
And to those who remember His commandments to do them.

(Psalm 103:11-18)

This week, I feel my dusty frame. So weak and so inconstant. How could I continue but with deep draughts of His great mercy? Little feet have run far away and brows have been furrowed in long anger and I wonder anew that I was given this high calling of motherhood.

I ask aloud, "How will we ever train these boy hearts to love the Good and put off the old, to live this adventure with gratitude and courage?" And I feel the burden heavy on my shoulders, the days stretching out before me full of forgotten responsibilities and meaningless squabbles, of childish tantrums that cut me deep. And I see that I can't carry this. I can't.

But there is this Love that carries me and knows my frame. Gently, gently He leads me and He speaks promise to me. In Him I live and move and have my being. And if I would change these boy hearts, I would first change my own and draw them gently before the throne of grace, to the One who gives life and breath and all things.

And, God willing, someday those feet that are so quick to run fearlessly down the street will run fearlessly after Jesus and that stubborn heart with stubbornly chase after the Truth. But it won't be because of me. It will be the work of the Spirit in them. The same Spirit that whispers to me, seals me for Hope, and changes me; He will do this work. I can't.

I am released. And I release these boys, too, and we are all flowers in this field and someday the wind will come and our place will not be remembered.

But God's mercy will be, from everlasting to everlasting.

“So now, brethren, I commend you to God and to the word of His grace, which is able to build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified. (Acts 20:32)