Love, deeply

A familiar ache this week: eternity in my heart longing for the filling. The words come slowly to me. It's the conversation of humanity stretching back into darkness and I simply add my groan: what do we make of all this crookedness? Fallenness shouting up and down the street and here in my heart.

The leaves change outside and I feel the guilt. My spiritual chlorophyll gone and the reds and oranges of selfishness exposed. I love with strings attached, insincere and inconstant. I want love returned or noted, at least, in some vague space. My strings snap and unravel. The days feel heavy; friendships loaded with suspicion; the old voices call to me, announcing that I've been found unworthy still, not enough. My heart walks the old, tired circle again.

And isn't it pride in me that thinks this even matters? Why waste the attention and the typeset? There are lost hearts and hungry faces that haunt me, reminding me to breathe generous gratitude. I have walked darker paths fighting fear and flesh and holding tight to dying children; this present uneasiness is light work.

I draw out these words because they are the lights on path back to Promise that I have to find again and again. The soul stirring always leads me to the Throne where I am reminded of deeper truths: the loneliness in me is not real because my Lord will never leave me or forsake me (Deut. 31:6). The darkness in me no longer has any claim because I have received the Spirit of adoption (Rom. 8:15). These clouds in my heart will pass.

Truth sanctifies and my selfish love cannot stay. I owe a continuing debt of love (Rom. 13:8) and I am heiress of the Greatest Love and there's only room for thankfulness.

A whisper: no more demands and silent expectations; stand in perfect Love.

The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (1 pet 4:7-8)